When are we allowed to start hating someone? This was the question raised by our speaker. A couple of weeks ago DOOR’s Beloved Community Council met in Chicago. This is an annual gathering that brings together DOOR staff, board members, and participants to talk about diversity.
This year we invited Jeff Chu to be one of our presenters. Jeff’s book Does Jesus Really Love me? A Gay Christian’s Pilgrimage in Search of God in America, was certain to stir up some controversy and uncomfortableness among this group. One of the things that I have learned during my time at DOOR is that all of us have a breaking point, where diversity shifts from something to be admired and sought after to sin. This is especially true among people of faith. Currently sexual orientation is that hot button issue.
I did expect some in the circle to be uncomfortable. What I did not expect was for me to be uncomfortable. Part way through Jeff’s presentation he started talking about Westboro Baptist Church, a church known for its extreme ideologies. While researching for his book, Jeff spent a few days with the church and its leader, Fred Phelps, conducting interviews and trying to understand how they came to believe what they believe. In many ways this is a congregation that unites both the liberal and conservative sides of the church. Everyone is uncomfortable with their tactics and hate messages.
Quite frankly I expected Jeff to join the chorus of people who have condemned this fringe group. Instead Jeff showed a picture of a 6 year old holding a sign that stated God hates gay people. Then he went on to describe this boy, during his time with the church he got to know the boy. This boy was just starting to read; he really didn’t know what he was holding. He only knew the adults in his life approved, like any 6-year-old he obeyed his parents and held the sign.
This is when Jeff asked the question. When is it OK for me to start hating this boy? When he can read? Once he reaches the age of accountability? When he is 20? Is there ever a time when people of faith get a pass on extending grace even to those who would do us harm?
When does someone else’s “diversity” or “difference” give me permission to hate or exclude? Usually at this point someone will respond with “the Bible clearly states,” this in turn becomes a reason to exclude. This quickly becomes an unwinnable argument, not because we are right, but rather because we are stubborn. History tells us that every time people of faith come up with reasons to exclude, eventually they end up seeking forgiveness for their hate. I suggest that Scripture is abundantly clear about our need to love the other, even when they are different. I have yet to hear about people who ask forgiveness for loving too much.
Filed under A New Kind of Christian, Beloved Community, Christian, community, cultural insensitivity, culture, experiencing god, faith, grace, label, labels, language, meetings, ministry, multicultural, racism, respect, sinner, theology, Uncategorized
Brent Davis is a Dweller in our DOOR Hollywood program. Over the last few weeks he took it upon himself to capture the thoughts of recent Discover participants while they stayed at our community house. It’s a huge blessing, and a fun way to show how God is nudging people to break down single stories in Hollywood through DOOR.
If you are interested in participating in in DOOR, please check out our website – www.DOORnetwork.org
Filed under A New Kind of Christian, atlanta, Christian, culture, denominations, experiencing god, faith, kingdom of heaven, label, labels, Mission, multicultural, mutuality, relationship, religion, religious system, service, service to others, short-term mission, theology, transforming, urban tour
One of the more frustrating aspects of my day-to-day life is dealing with people who do not see the world as I do. I realize that this can come off as sounding arrogant, foolish, or ignorant. Admittedly this is sometimes the case.
Dealing with people whose world is small can be frustrating. If a person only associates with people who share his or her values is it possible to grow, change, or mature? Is it even possible to have empathy for someone or something you have no experience with? I am convinced this is how racism still exists. If you only hang out with “your own kind” it becomes very easy to demonize anything that is different.
A number of years ago I was feeling pretty good about my theological knowledge. In the middle of my bragging my friend asked who I was reading, a simple question. I began to rattle off a long list of names. Before long he stopped me again and asked whether I noticed anything about my list. My quick response was that they are all great theologians. He shook his head and said that I wasn’t even aware. That impressive list was all white men. Then he went on to ask where the women and the writers of color were. In less than two minutes my friend had moved me from pride to embarrassment.
Empathy, deep heartfelt empathy, demands that we open our eyes and hearts to the other, to that which is different. I am white; I will never fully understand the pain and horror of racism. Having friends of color, not token but true friends, has helped me develop empathy for the racism they continue to experience on a daily basis. Today when I read theology for every Anglo author I read I make a point of reading three authors of color. This practice has done more to shape my understanding of who God is than almost anything else I do.
In the last few years a raging debate has escalated in the church about sexual orientation. One of my newest practices is to read theology written by my gay brothers and sisters. Once again I find myself understanding that God is so much more than the white, straight, male world I was born into.
Filed under being wrong, conversion, cultural insensitivity, culture, distinctives, diversity, faith, ideologies, label, labels, love, multicultural, theology
Have you ever found yourself passionately believing something to be true, but unable to convince others of your truth? Frustrating, isn’t it? I have found that the frustration level dramatically increases when talking about faith issues.
Faith convictions and beliefs tend to be sacred. Changing or adjusting these beliefs is often seen as back-sliding or drifting from the truth. Encountering people of faith who hold different positions while at the same time claiming to be “Christian” can be stressful. Why can’t they read the bible correctly?
Right now the denomination I am part of is in a fierce debate about ordaining gay and lesbian persons. There are entire churches and conferences talking about leaving the denomination. From their perspective a clearly discernable line of sin has been crossed. There is scripture to back this all up.
Equally as fascinating is the other side. The church is finally figuring out that all people should be included in the full life of the church. For them a clear line has also been crossed. Interestingly it is in the exact opposite direction, the church is moving from sin to righteousness. Like the other side they have scripture to back up their position.
What I have discovered in the various debates, discussions, and arguments I have been part of is the first person to say something like “Scripture clearly says…” wins the debate. To my embarrassment I need to own that I have used this tactic myself.
I think we use this tactic because as people of faith we desperately want Scripture to speak clearly to the big issues of the day. I am just old enough to remember when people of faith were convinced that rock ‘n’ roll was Satan’s music, or when drums in church, drinking, and smoking. I live in Colorado; currently there is a whole lot of conversation about marijuana. Believe it or not Jesus never addressed the subject of legal pot. What was he thinking?
Framing theological arguments in such a way that those who don’t agree with us are wrong is probably something people of faith need to avoid. It embarrasses me that church leaders so quickly move to absolute positions.
Learning to live with difference, even when that difference is seen as sin by some, might just be a sign of Christian maturity.
Filed under assumptions, being wrong, Christian, church, confessions of faith, conversion, dancing, distinctives, diversity, divorve, faith, followers of the way, forgiveness, God questions, jesus, kingdom of heaven, label, labels, mennonite, Mennonite Church USA, mutual trust, purity, questions of church, religion, religious system, respect, sinner, Speaking Christian, unity, wisdom
The other day I was involved in one of those controversial Christian conversations. As our discussion was wrapping up this person said to me, “Well you have to love the sinner and hate the sin.” Then we hugged and went our separate ways. This one-liner was not new to me. As a matter of fact I have heard and used the exact same phase for years. I have probably even uttered it from the pulpit.
This time the conversation was a tough one and the phrase did not sound so spiritual. You see it was the first time I had ever been the target of the line. To him I was the sinner that needed loving and my prayerfully considered convictions were the sin that needed hating. Quite frankly it did not feel good to be on the receiving end. I had been judged to be a sinner. His love for me, in spite of my sin, did not make me feel any better, respected, or accepted. I would not be whole until I quit sinning.
I have done a lot of thinking about loving the sinner and hating the sin. It is one of those statements that sounds good; so good that many of us might even wonder why Jesus didn’t have the wisdom to use it himself. I could just imagine Jesus as he looked a Peter after the third denial, shrugging his shoulders and muttering to himself, “Well you have to love the sinner and hate the sin.”
The problem with loving the sinner and hating the sin is that it shifts power. It is an attempt at becoming God. When I say love the sinner, hate the sin in essence I am saying that I have God knowledge. I have the ability to name who sinners are and what sin is. Granted there are times when this seems obvious to all. Pedophiles and murders are two groups of people that come to mind. However, most of us live in a world that is much less stark. As much as many of us would like Scripture to be crystal clear on issues of war, patriotism, sexual orientation, speaking in tongues, hell, heaven, and many others, it isn’t clear.
When believers differ from each other it is tempting to name that difference as sin. The temptation is especially strong when we believe that we have Scripture on our side.
I remember going to church and being told that drums were a sign of the Devil and that women were not gifted in leadership. These opinions were held fervently, leaders believed they had God and Scripture backing up their beliefs. I am glad that the church had the courage to grow beyond those convictions.
I do not know where we are going to end up with the big discussions of today, but I do know that if we keep naming those who are different than us sinners we won’t have the opportunity to see where the spirit of God is leading us.
Filed under assumptions, Christian, church, church rules, confessions of faith, cultural insensitivity, culture, denominations, distinctives, diversity, faith, fear-based decisions, forgone conclusion, grace, humility, inclusion, kingdom of heaven, label, labels, love, mutuality, novel idea, questions of church, religion, religious system, respect, sinner, theology, transforming, two camps, war, worship
As a 2nd grader I remember being the last person picked for the spelling bee. The teacher divided the class into two teams. The best two spellers were named team captains. They took turns picking who would be on each team. I still remember sitting at my desk as everyone else was chosen. I was not going to be chosen; I was simply the last person left. I had to be picked.
In many ways this was a good life lesson – sometimes you don’t get picked first.
A number of weeks ago someone sent me an article, I can’t remember who wrote it or who sent it, but the theme has stuck with me. The article asks a question – does the church function like an institution or a city? According to the author, institutions exist to screen people out – an individual must qualify for a job or a program. Cities always expand to include everyone – there is space for the homeless, the renter, the homeowner, the uneducated, the educated, the poor, the rich.
It doesn’t take years of theological studies to figure out that Jesus was interested in making space for everyone. That’s the essential message of John 3:16. It also does not take many years of study to figure that the historical trajectory of the church has been one of finding ways to screen people out.
What would it mean for the church to renounce the path of exclusion and to become a place of inclusion? How do we become less white and less male? What does it mean to invite others into our community? Inclusion also includes folks who don’t get it – the racist and sexist. What does this look like?
And just how far do we take this diversity thing? It is one thing to talk about cultural and theological diversity, but quite another thing to talk about sexual orientation.
It is my hope that our future can be one of figuring out how to filter people in. This will not be easy or without controversy, but it does seem to be the Jesus thing to do.
Why is it so important to draw lines in the sand? Too many people enjoy the illusion that the world can easily be divided into two camps – friend or enemy; republican or democrat; right or wrong; saint or sinner. It feels good and right to declare that people are either with us or against us. Why do things like change, diversity and difference scare us so much? Is it possible that we are hard wired to be afraid of diversity in ethnicity, faith, politics and ideological points of view?
Concepts like middle ground, compromise and grey areas are all too often seen as positions which immature or unenlightened folks take. If the definition of maturity includes fear of diversity and an unwillingness to change my mind, then I am not interested in maturity.
Could it be that the opposite is true? Immature people draw lines, never change their mind, and want the world to be full of people who look the same, believe the same and think the same.
Why would anyone vote for a politician who refuses to change their stance? Why go to a church where the pastor(s) never grow in their understanding of theology, God and what the church is called to? What fun is it living in a community where everyone looks the same or eats the same food or worships in the same way?
I like the Apostle Paul’s image of the body in 1 Corinthians 12. We are not all the same. As a matter of fact it is our differences that make us one! Embracing differences (diversity) means that any lines we draw should be easily erased and moved because chances are we should not have drawn the line in the first place.
Can you imagine a world where compromise was the norm? Church would be healthy and healing, politics would be helpful and honest, and battles over religion would be non-existent.
Filed under culture, distinctives, diversity, enemy, faith, friend, ideologies, inclusion, label, labels, lines in the sand, maturity, multicultural, racism, saint, sinner, two camps
Next Sunday I get to preach at my home church. For the past number of months I have been working through Luke 18. I only speak every 6-8 weeks, so takes a while to complete a series. I am finally ready to wrap up the chapter. Luke 18 ends with two stories; the first is a conversation with the disciples. It must have been a frustrating discussion because the disciples didn’t understand a thing Jesus was saying. The second story is about a blind man who receives his sight because he understands who Jesus is.
In short, the sighted don’t see and the blind see.
I have always thought of myself as an “aware” person. Observing the world around me and understanding what is going on. Lately I have come to discover that I am quite blind. This has not been easy to admit. Somewhere in the process of owing my blindness I have begun to see. This hasn’t been easy either.
Two weeks ago while presenting a seminar on White Privilege I referred to the birth certificate questions that have been raised about our current President. I suggested that one of the driving factors in questioning his citizenship was his skin color. One of our city directors was in the room and overheard a teenaged boy comment under his breath, “the President needs to go back to where he came from.”
Last week we had a DOOR group arrive in Chicago. Within hours of their arrival some in the group decided that the neighborhood was too dangerous. It was irresponsible on our part to even suggest that they “live” in the neighborhood for one week and serve. Our Chicago program is located in an African American neighborhood. When the group left they presented many reasons, while carefully avoiding the real reason. They were in a neighborhood full of folks who looked different and those differences scared them.
This week I attended a seminar that was led by an African American man. He told the story of his wife getting pregnant with their first child. Sometime during the second trimester they went to the doctor to find out if they were having a boy or a girl. The news came back that they were having a boy. Both mom and dad were excited for the first week. By the second week his wife became severely depressed. In a moment of brutal honesty she expressed her desire to not carry the baby to term. Not because she didn’t want the baby, but because she feared how society would treat an African American male.
I have been involved in urban ministry for 17 years. For all the right reasons I wanted to believe that the church has moved beyond race and racism. Having to see a different reality is not easy -I get why the disciples chose not to understand what Jesus was saying. Who wants to talk about pain and suffering?
In Psalm 23 we learn that the path to a new reality includes walking through the very valley of the shadow of death. Confronting racism is not easy or comfortable, but racism is dehumanizing and dehumanization has no place in the kingdom of God.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. I still remember my mother quoting this nursery rhyme to me after being teased. It was her way of helping me to get over the hurt of being made fun of. On one hand she was right. Being teased did not cause me any physical damage; I was never rushed to the emergency room because of name calling. To this day I am still haunted by some of the labels that were given to me – loser, scardy-cat, preacher’s kid, and wimp.
In the years since, I have become convinced that the good advice this nursery rhyme appears to provide is actually horrible guidance. It is true that sticks and stones can do a great deal of harm, but we mislead ourselves when we think of words as risk-free.
This past week I have been preparing for a seminar on White Privilege. The power to label and define others is one of the more sinister aspects of this privilege. Think about words like enemy, gang-banger, insurgent, drug-dealer and urban-rat. If I were to ask you to create an image for each of these labels chances are that it would not include people of Anglo descent. On the other hand if I were to ask you to form an image for America, apple pie, Barbie, GI Joe or a great leader chances are that an Anglo image
will form in your mind.
Words are powerful; do not let anyone tell you different. They have the power to build up and tear down. Labels can make us unreasonably fearful or envious. Fear based labeling is both dehumanizing and sinful.
One of the primary images for humanity in the New Testament is family. When we use language that dehumanizes, ridicules and looks down on other people we cease to be Christian.